 "Photo: Courtesy of Michael Coles")
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"Bend over," I whispered, while gently pressing my hand against the small of my girlfriend's back.
Obediently, she leaned across her bed, offering me a perfect view of her bare behind. Taking a handful of hair in my fist, I tugged softly, making my girlfriend arch her back. After running my fingertips across the inside of my lover's thighs, I brought my hand crashing down against her upturned bottom, again and again, until the redness of her skin matched the crimson sheets to which she was clinging with all of her might.
Just when she thought she couldn't take another stinging smack, I curled my fingers against my girlfriend's g-spot and, as the spanking's intensity continued to rise, brought her to a teary-eyed, breath-releasing climax. I knew the feeling. After all, I had been in this same position only a few nights earlier, having my bottom blistered by this very same woman.
While it may seem contradictory, many people enjoy mixing a little pain with their pleasure. Over 30 percent of men and 25 percent of women have tried spanking during sex, according recent surveys, with nearly 20 percent of adults between the ages of 18-35 confessing to having a spanking "fetish," or a desire to be spanked during sex on a regular basis.
With spanking references becoming increasingly common in the mainstream media (witness Amber Tamblyn being manhandled by her boyfriend in Lifetime's "Normal Adolescent Behavior"), the incidence rate of sensual spanking is likely to increase. The question, then, is how to do deal damage to your partner's posterior without doing the same to your relationship.
First, talk to your lover. Find out whether or not they have any interest in feeling the impact of an open palm (or any other object) against their buttocks. Don't assume anything and don't be afraid to ask questions. If your girlfriend has ever dragged her nails down your back, her willingness to be dominated may surprise you.
Second, choose the right implement. If your partner is new to sadomasochistic sex, begin by using your hand. Not only does the hand increase intimacy by providing skin-to-skin contact, it can be used in virtually any position, whether your lover is laying across your lap or riding you like a cowgirl. Later, as your partner becomes more comfortable, you may consider using harsher toys, like a hairbrush, paddle, riding crop or whip.
Third, remember to gauge your significant other's reaction throughout the spanking. Soft moaning and heavy breathing, even - perhaps, especially - if mixed with quite cries after each spank, are a subtle indication of enjoyment. Screaming and sobbing, on the other hand, are usually signs that you need to exercise restraint. As with any other bedroom activity, if your partner says stop, by all means, cease and desist.
Finally, express sensitivity toward your partner after your spanking adventure is finished. If you've spent a while torching your lover's derriere, you should offer her (or him) time to "cool down." Take her into your arms, stare deeply into her eyes and tell her how you really feel. Then, make love with all the energy you can muster, ensuring that, by the time you head home for the night, everyone's needs have been satisfied.
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