Don’t change partners, change positions - Ka Leo O Hawaii: Opinion

Don’t change partners, change positions

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Posted: Wednesday, February 8, 2012 5:00 am

Most positions aren't used because of a lack of two things: physical capacity and communication. A social fallacy states the former is more often responsible than the latter. This is not true. 

Yes, most people cannot perform a standing 69 because of a lack in strength. However, more often than not, most people don't do 69 at all because of their unwillingness to communicate their desires and fears with their partner(s). So this Valentine's, talk to your partner and try something new - the more comfortable you are, the better the sex will be.


Use your mouth to stimulate your partner.

Stand up: Try pushing your partner up against the wall and orally stimulating him or her while standing, rather than the ordinary foot-of-the-bed style.

Switch gears: Use oral sex as an opportunity to change from penetration to stimulation. You can do it from any position, even doggy style.

Turn it sideways: Sixty-nine is best served on its side, as opposed to on top. However, don't neglect the potential to roll from the side-to-side position to top-and-bottom positioning. Rolling while maintaining contact, although dangerous, is exhilarating.

Don't forget the hands: Gently penetrate her using your fingers, or use your hand to stimulate him while focusing on the tip. Remember the entire area: for females, mons pubis, outer and inner, and taint; for males, scrotum and taint.

Equipment and extras: Ice cubes are the way to go. The cold sensation created by holding them in your mouth can be breathtaking. Halls or Lifesavers mints will create a tingling sensation when sucked on.

What to expect: Smells and sights. Oral sex is one of the best forms of foreplay and can be the only means for some women to climax. So don't be afraid of going down on your partner; you might learn to love it.


So much more than missionary.

Change the angle: Men, rather than the simple back and forth, adjust your hips to penetrate at different angles.

Adjust your thrust: Play around with the intensity, rhythm and depth of thrusting. Start with three shallow thrusts (about half your penis) for every one deep thrust, but don't be afraid to vary it.

Move your legs: Women, put one or both legs on your partner's shoulders or turn both legs to one side. Men, each area of the vagina is lined with erogenous parts, so pay attention to all of them.

Equipment and extras: Women, place a pillow under your lower back to raise your hips in the air. This will give your partner better access to your G spot.

What to expect: S-l-o-w it down. This style of position has the innate and somewhat problematic issue of causing men to ejaculate more quickly than in other positions. This is another reason to vary between shallow and deep thrusting. If you feel like you're about to climax, stop and go down on your partner instead. It will give you time to settle down, while amping him or her up.


Hips and lips.

Sit up: Women, use your knees to help bounce yourself up and down. Vary the speed and motion. Men, rub your partner's breasts and clitoris. Be careful though, as some women are extremely sensitive, and rubbing the clitoris during penetration can be overstimulating and uncomfortable.

It takes two: The partner on bottom can lie back and enjoy the ride, but could also help by raising his or her hips into the air. Use your lips and hands to stimulate other parts of your partner's body.

Rotate: As with before, change the angle. Women, rotate your body so you are facing the side of the bed. You can also rotate your body 180 degrees to perform a reverse cowgirl, introducing opportunities for anal play. Try to move through positions without breaking intercourse.

Equipment and extras: If your partner's clitoris isn't too sensitive, try a vibrator. Have her lean back and use the vibrator to stimulate her.

What to expect: The person on the bottom should try to respond to the upper partner's hip movements and match motions. Once you find that rhythm, you're good to go.


Hips to hips.

Lift your partner: Men, if you're sitting facing each other in bed, put your arms under your partner's thighs, grab her torso and lift her up and down.

The wall: A standing position can be achieved even by the less-than-muscle-bound of us with the help of a wall. Pick your partner up while she crosses her legs around your torso and use the wall for leverage as you start lifting her.

Standing: If you are strong enough, step away from the wall. While her legs are wrapped around you, have her lean back while you thrust. Women, try to lift one leg while your partner braces you against the wall.

The counter: Counters, ledges or even chairs can facilitate more manageable variations on standing. The partner on top should be able to firmly place his or her feet on the ground, which will allow more control and better angles.

Equipment and Extras: Grab an exercise ball. Lie on your back while your partner penetrates you while standing. The curvature of the ball arches your back while raising your hips, and the buoyancy of the ball allows for some added thrust.

What to expect: Fatigue. These positions require more physical prowess. When you become tired, rest by performing oral sex on each other.


Vaginal or anal.

Positions a plenty: Standing, bent over, on all fours and even lying down, this style of sex is positionally prolific. There is so much more to this style of sex than the simple doggystyle. Men, start by trying to lift one of your partner's legs or resting it on your shoulder and penetrating from an angle. Try experimenting with some playful ass-slapping and back-scratching - but be sure to check with your partner first.

Anal: This is an opportunity for a little anal play - it is right there. The key, as with everything, is communication. Don't be afraid to talk to your partner about it; anal sex can be a wonderful experience for both partners.

Get lower: Whoever's on bottom, try getting down on your stomach. Because your rear is lower, it spreads your legs more and allows for different sensations. When the penetrator is fully inside, try closing your legs and squeezing your buttocks and pelvic muscles.

Get out of bed: Standing affords more power to the penetrator's legs while the hands are free to push and pull back on the other partner's hips. If you're lying across a counter or desk, every now and then, stand all the way up while the penetrator is still inside. This gives him the opportunity to caress the rest of your body, such as your neck, breasts, stomach and clitoris.

Yoga: For those familiar with yoga, the downward dog position (it looks like an upside-down V) provides powerful sensations. Spread your legs a little more than you usually would in yoga class. Men, place your hands in the crevice of your partner's hips and thighs to alleviate stress on his or her shoulders.

Equipment and extras: Use a chair and have your partner sit in your lap facing either direction. Be sure to help control the motion of each other's hips.

What to expect: Loudness. The slapping of hips on buttocks creates a clapping sound not suitable for thin residence-hall walls.


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