Are you a consumer-whore? Do you buy things because of constant brainwashing commercials?
Will you make a purchase because everyone else owns one, and if you don’t have it you’d feel left out?
Are you obsessed with Lady Gaga? Harry Potter Films? Twilight?
Well here’s your chance to be the biggest consumer-whore in your materialistic group of friends!
The iFad is a media storage device that only holds content deemed irrelevant to human history and soon-to-be forgotten.
Compatible multimedia include:
...The list goes on!
Act now and you will get our first-generation prototype that will without-a-doubt malfunction eight times and cause you to lose all of your data.
Disclaimer: If a fad becomes irrelevant to human history and is erased when your iFad malfunctions, it is irretrievable.
When we finally make it to a sixth-generation device, most of the fads you love now will be long from being retrievable (mainly Lady Gaga) and you will have most likely forgotten why you even bought an iFad to begin with.
It will end up in your closet next to your iPhone that cannot send picture messages and your third-generation iPod that has “Hey Mickey” by Toni Basil on replay. You remember, that playlist with both English and Spanish versions on it?
Don’t forget about your MacBook Air that you thought was so cool until you got hammered and tore it in half when you couldn’t upload your “Hootie and The Blow Fish Greatest Hits” CD since the laptop was too thin to have a disk drive.
Disclaimer: Who the hell is Hootie And The Blow Fish? You don’t know anymore because you couldn’t upload it to your iFad from your MacBook Air and now they are irrelevant to human history and gone the way of Falco.
Who the hell is Falco?
So buy your iFad right now for the low, low price of $899.99 plus tax and shipping! Internet connection? Yes, we offer it but it’s so expensive that we’d have to break your legs before you left the store because you can’t afford it, wasting all your money on “Dance Like Beyonce” lessons and Lady Gaga concert tickets.
Disclaimer: The iFad is not compatible with any Mac products. A media converter is available for the amazingly affordable price of $199.99 plus tax and shipping.
Disclaimer: if you kiss the ground Steve Jobs walks on, this article probably offended you. The author sincerely hopes you choke a little the next time you open your MacBook Air or buy an application for your iPhone.






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